👋 Hey, it’s Stephane. I share lessons, and stories from my journey to help you lead with confidence as an Engineering Manager. To accelerate your growth see: 50 Notion Templates | The EM’s Field Guide | CodeCrafters | Get Hired as an EM | 1:1 Coaching
Paid subscribers get 50 Notion Templates, The EM’s Field Guide, and access to the complete archive. Subscribe now.
You’ve had this experience. You gave someone feedback. Clear, specific feedback. And then three weeks later, you watched them make the exact same mistake.
“But I told them” you think. “I was direct about it.”
Were you, though?
I’ve spent years watching leaders, including myself, convince themselves they’re straight shooters while their actual communication lands somewhere between “vaguely suggestive” and “completely unclear”. The gap between how direct we think we are and how direct we actually are is actually massive.
You soften the message
Here’s what happens in most conversations where someone needs to hear something hard:
You p…